Gay Bingo is interesting, but…

The Neff's live on!

No, I didn't get struck by lightning. Nor hit by a cement truck. Nor did any brown spider bite me. I've just been living the crazy hectic life I live!!

As of date:

• Kitchen. Finished.
  
• Basement. Begun.
  
• Back yard. Errr, getting there…
  
• Kids Alive. Check.
  

KITCHEN

B-E-A-UTIFUL. Yes, I did just say that. We actually enjoy sitting in our kitchen for meals, and are beginning the ritual of making the kitchen the gathering place. I don't know how I feel about this just yet. I'll get back to you.

BASEMENT

Funny story. Well, actually, scary story. Turns out the previous owners had some sort of heroin/meth addict living in our basement. We found several dozens of used needles, and plastic bags with white substance on them. I insisted we call the police, but Brett said, "Nay, I'll just put the needles in this here styrophome, take it to the dump, and all will be well."

Sometimes you just have to let the man be the one in charge. And then hold it over his head for the next thirty years. I love being a woman.

COHEN

Cohen is a stud swimmer, can I just brag for a moment? He's a stud swimmer. He's also awesome at his Tumbling class, which, sadly, ends next week. But I think we're gonna go for another round! And, thank heavens; he didn't inherit his father's total lack of skill at sports. Or his mothers. He's his own man. Kid rocks at soccer.

KEMBRY

Beauty and sass all wrapped up in one. Scarlett O'Hara anyone?

BRETT

Stud. Enough said.

KELLY

Life consists of: Cohen, Kembry, Brett, Kembry, Cohen, cleaning, basement, yard, Cohen, Kembry. And every here and again I get to bathe. Here and again, I write. Like now; this is about how often.

That is all. Talking to Mother-in-law now.

Kelly Out

How do I explain...

What's going on in this picture?

How do I explain?

Would you believe "Lucille Ball was awakened from her grave?"

No? Fine.

It was Gay Bingo! Every month, these hilarious, fabulously gay men hold a bingo party to raise money for different groups. Last month it was held for Lupus. They had an all-time record of 259 people.

After the game I asked Brett if he was uncomfortable. He made an uncharacteristically few amount of jokes the whole evening, especially considering the material that was right before his eyes.

He said, "Yeah, a little bit."

So I said, "Why, because we're LDS?"

And he said, shocked, "No! Because I'm a straight man!"

I love my husband.

Oh, and if you're wondering "Did Kelly manage to embarrass herself the whole evening?" The answer, of course, is a resounding YES!

After I parked the car and was walking in, I called Brett to let him know which side I was coming in. Walking behind a fabulously dressed man in a Las Vegas Show Girl costume, I said

"Hey honey, I'm coming in the back way."

The man turned and glared at me. The only thing I could think to say was,

"No pun intended!"

He laughed, and I peed my pants, and the night went on with even more blunders on my part.

Anyway, what a huge success. It was very touching to see Annette, whose little Olivia suffers from Lupus, do the addition, and then to see the tears that formed in her eyes. To see all of those people there, supporting a good cause, and having a good time. Everyone was so generous. It was AWESOME!

Coming to you live...

From my laptop on my…INTERNET! I'm so excited I can barely contain my joy.

Okay, we're contained.

Kids are in bed, sleeping away, dreaming of a mother that doesn't neglect them. No, not really. According to Cohen they're dreaming of nice monsters and of Larkin and Tasia. I'll take his word for that.

Home improvement is exciting, isn't it? This is where you all nod your head, while secretly loathing those two words: Home Improvement. They're like naughty words to some people.

We've picked out beautiful tile for our backsplash. Brett is…very artistic. Me not so much. Simplicity is key in my mind. Well, that's what I say. It's really just a lack of imagination on my part.

I've taken some pictures, but due to my technological ineptitude, they will have to wait until cutie-pie gets home from school tonight. But I'm excited to share!!!

Thanks for all your comments and sticking in there with me while I was out in the middle of the dead-zone, with no internet.

And now to go and read about a million posts and catch up on everyones lives! I almost had to start calling people and actually visit them. Yuck. Leave my house? No way. Blog-world here I come!

Kelly Out

A little Quicky

 

A little quicky. I'm getting good at these. (Don't be a pervo Brett.)

THE CABINETS ARE DONE! And they're absolutely beautiful. I don't mean that Brett and I are opening up a cabinet business or anything…In fact we'll never, EVER do that again. Ever.

We have a new toilet. A new toilet is an absolutely wonderful addition.

Cohen and Kembry are adorable. That's not new news though.

My sister-in-law, Carrie, and good friend Miss Tanya are about to have little babies. Sigh.

Um…writing is coming along, though not blog writing-obviously.

What have I been doing? My, how the time flies…

Anywho…one of these days we're going to bunker down and get the internet. Brett and I are still in the Stone Age: no cable, no internet, and its kind of nice. I can only imagine what kind of neglect would take place if I got the internet. Or cable. Or a puppy.

Just a few heads up:

1. If I don't respond to your e-mail, it's because I haven't had my e-mail reading marathon for the month.
   
2. If I do respond to your e-mail, only your name isn't Natasha and you're not reading "Abundance" and nothing about what I'm saying makes sense…I'm sorry. I've been sending e-mails to the WRONG PEOPLE in my urgency to send them at all. Quantity people, not quality. Haha.
   
3. MAY 2^ND. Liberty Park. Lupus Walk. Be there or be a total bummer-head-butt-doo-doo-face. Cohen's learning how to insult…it's kind of funny.
   

That is all.

Kelly out.

Underwear in 1884

Quick! While the children are tied down and the husband is doing…heaven knows what, I thought I'd drop a line and let the two of you know how I'm doing.

Good. I'm doing good. Thanks.

Life keeps going, the days pass by, and my children are STILL GROWING. Why do they do this to me? It's killing me.

Last night I went to a party where there just happened to be two little babies. It didn't surprise me that the look on my face was enough to have people asking, "So, you want more children then?"

Yes. Yes I do.

Brett and I stained the cabinet's themselves this weekend. Very, very exciting, I must say. They're a delicious cherry brown. I want to lick them, but Brett said that would probably put me in the hospital. Husbands: always trying to get out of a little work.

Half way through our hard work though, our sander's engine said "I quit!" and now we're without. Hopefully we'll be able to wrangle one up somewhere, because I can tell you this much, I will NOT be sanding by hand. This is why I was born in 1984 and not 1884. That and underwear. Have you seen the things those women had to wear? Yuck. No. Thank. You.

Kelly Out

 

Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

Technology has grabbed me by its wirey grasp and won't…let…me…go!

So what's new with you? I feel so separate from the world, not reading everyone's blog every day.

Life is still rocking and busy in our little world. Oh, I haven't blogged in a week eh? Well, let me fill you in (without pictures, so get your imaginations started…ready? Here we go!)

Brett and I decided…okay, no, that's all wrong. I decided one day to buy a new pantry door. Which, of course, then turned into "Let's redo all the cabinets." Don't ask. It's a serious problem I have, and I'm working on it. Not really.

Anyway, so I began the arduous, albeit fulfilling task of sanding each and every one of our cabinet doors and drawers. There are 24 doors and 10 drawers. It takes 1 ½ hours per regular sized door. We have two large doors. How long does it take Sally to get to the end of the street, if she passes Allen, and Jupiter is in its third rotation?

So, if you did the math, a lot of time has been spent breathing in saw dust. Lucky for me my wonderful father-in-law loaned me his "Harry Potter" on tape, and that has gotten me through. We're nearly there.

Also fun and exciting, weight loss! Can I get a Woot Woot from all the chubby ladies losing weight out there?

"Woot Woot!" Okay, I'm the only one. Thas coo. Weight loss is interesting in all its many varying facets. For example, I have an enabling husband. I love him dearly. He's perfect for me; which is why he bought me a box full of chocolate donuts. Sigh.

But he also says things like, "Honey, you may not be losing a lot of weight, but you're definitely losing inches!" This keeps me going. That, and that I feel wonderful and energized and excited to keep going. It'll be different when Tanya rejoins the world of the non-pregnant, and starts really kicking my butt. Man, I'm dreading May…

Also, I've been attending a really awesome writing class, and have learned so much. Reading is all new to me now. What? These words mean something? Sweeeet. It's also helped me along in my adventure to be creative. Something I'm not but wish I was.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, AND IF YOU READ ANY HALF-BLOG POST TODAY, LET IT BE THIS HALF!

The Walk for Lupus is coming up! May 2^nd. And for the first time I've joined the volunteer ranks and would like to induce you all to go and take a look at their website. Lupus is a serious disease and threatens the lives of more people than you would imagine. 20,000 people in Utah alone suffer from this sad sickness, and there hasn't been a new medicine found in over 50 YEARS! That's way too long folks. So, the Utah Chapter for Lupus is holding its annual walk at Liberty Park. Go to this website: www.firstgiving.com and learn all about what you can do to help change 50 years to zero! Plus, it's an excellent time to break out those walking shoes, and take a nice little spring stroll.

Alright, that's all the blubbering from me today.

Kelly Out

(Yes, I realize the title of this post has nothing to do with anything. I just miss that show. Don't you?)

The Sigh Factor

I have a lot of friends who take losing weight more seriously than I do. Okay, maybe not more "seriously", considering I work out 6 days a week (have I mentioned I'm exhausted? I am!) Anywho…these lovely and intelligent ladies all do Weight Watchers. And I mostly just leech off of their knowledge. Things like, "Say, how many points would this be, if one were actually willing to pay for Weight Watchers?" And then oblige me. They're so enabling! Haha, don't stop though.

Anywho, my cousin and I were wisely partaking of some delicious Olive Garden, and I asked her, casually, "How is it you can eat Olive Garden while doing Weight Watchers?" And she added up the points for me and explained everything, and then she re-explained it as if talking to a five year old, because she basically was. But the most interesting, and important, and the POINT of all this babbling, is that she taught me about the "Sigh Factor."

Sigh Factor: When you're body is satisfied, and when you're satisfied (two different things for me!) you sigh subconsciously. It's pretty neat. Next time you're eating, listen, pay attention, you will see. You sigh. "Ahhh, that was yummy." And then, if you're like me, you keep eating, when really you're just supposed to STOP. This doesn't make sense to me, but whatever!

Well, I've decided that this Sigh Factor also applies to your womb. I mean, aside from the obvious "proverbial womb lurches" from the depths of your soul, I believe there is a Sigh Factor. Here are the symptoms:

• You see a pregnant lady, and instead of backing away with disgust at the memories of the most horrible nine months of your life, you sigh.
  
• You see a baby screaming in the grocery store, a red-faced, on-the-point-of-crying–from-exhaustion-and-frustration mother, and you sigh.
  
• You cannot keep your hands off your best friend's belly (or complete strangers for that matter), despite the fact that every time the little guy jabs her in gut she screams in pain, and you sigh.
  
• You get out the dusty baby clothes your three year old wore, try to figure out where that stain came from, and you sigh.
  
• Last but not least, you begin emotionally blackmailing your husband by teaching your current children to say things like, "I want a little brother." And instead of backing away in fear at the look on his face, you sigh, because it's all worth it.
  

Brett said he doesn't believe in this theory. He also doesn't believe that I'm on the point of baby-blackmailing him, and just taking it into my own hands and having eight children injected into my womb. What? The government will pay for them.

So, thank you everyone for inviting me to your baby showers so I can sigh at all your cute pregnant bellies (and secretly covet them)!

'Tis the season, and it's raining babies, Hallalujah, it's raining babies, AMEN. Name that song.

(Hint: replace "babies" with "Men". Might make more sense…)

Kelly Out

Day of Faith

Have you visited Sherrie Johnsons blog yet? No? Well, she gives a link to a lovely interview taken at Harvard about religion.

Take a moment and watch Rachel's excellent interview, then if you have time, watch some of the others. Very interesting.

Sometimes very simple, obvious things are not so very simple and obvious for me. The interviewer commented to Rachel that most of America doesn't know much about the Mormon religion. Although I knew very little to nothing until I was 14, this still came as an "Oh Duh!" moment. Living in Utah, life isn't very varied (say that three times fast) in that on every corner there is a Chapel, and on every other corner a Temple. Okay, not every other corner, but still, there aren't many peaks in Utah that you can stand on top of and not see a glorious Temple shining. What am I doing? Why am I not out about the world, proclaiming the Lords word and sharing this wonderful Gospel with my brothers and sisters? I've always said that I want to stay and raise my family in Utah, but now I'm questioning that. Seriously. And, as we've learned lately, for me to question something is a very serious process. The missionary fervor swelled up inside me as I watched this video. Rachel, I think, did an excellent job at representing and explaining our faith. I want to do the same!!

"Go ye into all the world; and unto whatsoever place ye cannot go ye shall send, that the tetimony may go from you into all the world unto every creature." D&C 84:62

Comfort Zone and Questions

The point of embarking on something new was to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I would've been better off attempting sky diving?

At one point in her book, Carol Lynn Pearson asks, "What if?" and finishes the sentences with happy endings like, "What if I wasn't gay? What if my family was whole?" I ask myself this: "What if I never read this book?"

What if?

Well, then I would still be a very naive convert into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

The whole time reading this book, I kept thinking, "This is not the Church I know. These are not my fellow brothers and sisters. This is not how we treat our members." But, talking to older wiser members, mothers, people in general, I realize that there are people like this; unforgiving, biased, harsh, cruel, mean people who do not understand what Christ's mission was about.

A quote on the front of the book says, "Thank you…for reminding us that the task of any religion is to teach us whom we're required to love, not whom we're entitled to hate." –Rabbi Harold Kushner author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People (Really? Bad things happen to good people? Who knew?)

All sarcasm aside, the issue of homosexuality is a very serious issue that I think all people, of all races, nationalities, religions etc. should consider. I have one gay friend. One. I hardly see him. In fact, I've spoken to him all of two times since he "came out." But I adore him still. I still think of him, still love him. Nothing has changed for me. The fact that we don't talk is purely related to the "married" vs. "single" friend's phenomenon. You just tend to fall apart. I have a mortgage, a husband, and two children. He still get's to stay up past ten o'clock.

What do I think of "No More Goodbyes?"

I think that it casts a very dark shadow over the Church. I want to shout from the roof tops "THE PEOPLE OF THE CHURCH ARE NOT PERFECT. THE GOSPEL IS PERFECT." If every member of this Church lived the Gospel the way it should be lived, then we wouldn't need it. We wouldn't need this probationary period. We wouldn't need the atonement. I'm not speaking about homosexuals when I say this. I'm talking about the members of the Church who put it upon themselves to judge. But I understand that I am not perfect, that I am a growing child of Heavenly Father, and that He will never, ever leave me alone in this growth process.

My heart breaks reading stories about young boys who have killed themselves because of the guilt they've felt over their homosexuality; because the way people treated them (members and non-members alike.) About families torn apart after years because one parent can no longer disguise who they are. It hurts more to see how people react to these men and women. How they're treated after already suffering great pain. Carol Lynn Pearson quotes Maya Angelou at one point. She says, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Amen Maya. Amen.

I'm not going to touch on this subject again. It has invoked in me so many new and strange emotions. This is a new frontier for me.

But I do want to say that though there may be a shadow looming over the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for much of the world who is still in the dark, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is the one and true Gospel. I know that it was put here in the last days to help redeem us. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God; a courageous and amazing man. I know that Jesus is the Christ, and that He lives and He loves us. I know that there are trials in this life that we have to deal with; that we will fall, and that, with hope and faith, we will remember the Atonement, that we will stand up again with the help of the Lord. There is no sheep in His flock not worthy of this Atonement. Not one. And I hope I go forward remembering that. I hope that people who encounter me will remember how I made them feel, and that I make them feel like they're loved.